I can already tell some of you want to leave the page. This article, however, is not exactly what you think it is. After all, who wants to be submissive, following someone else’s rule these days?
Before you give up on this, hear me out. Read on.
What is a Submissive Wife?
Well, let us take a look at the word “submissive” first. It means being willing to be under another person’s authority.
If you think about it, a lot of us are under someone at some point. We have bosses at work. When we were at school, no matter how smart we were, we had to follow the rules and obey our teachers.
When we go against the hierarchy of authority, we end up in a lot of mess. The heads of a department are there for a reason – to organize and consolidate. You all should work towards something – a goal. If each person has their own plan without consulting the others, they may not meet the goal.
You will also know if the authority is being abusive. They will just command you to do something without asking how you feel about the task. Submissive wives can also leave if they find themselves in an abusive relationship.
In this article, we will explore the biblical meaning of what a submissive wife is.
A submissive woman is not a doormat. We should make this fact clear. She is, however, someone who can be a submissive wife to her husband, in the biblical sense. It means that she must follow his plans, even if she does not wholly agree.
However, a submissive wife is more than that. According to the Bible, God does not give rules for the wife alone. The husband also has his own role to play.
A good husband must respect and cherish his wife, much like God does to his church. So, his submissive wife does not simply blindly obey. She knows that she is in safe hands and that she can take his lead.
So, to be clear, a submissive wife is not someone who:
- does not have a say. Instead, the submissive wife can voice out her opinions because a reasonable man would want to understand her feelings.
- is controlled by a dominant husband. She is a partner, but a willing one.
A submissive wife is:
- someone who does what she does out of love for her husband.
- someone who helps her husband as they work together to achieve their goals.
- a godly woman who is upholding the laws of the church.
- a strong woman who chooses to be her husband’s helper.
- someone who thrives in mutual respect.
Biblical submission is not about inequality. Instead, it is in Christian marriage with mutual respect. Submissiveness here is about obeying God’s word and living a life of true love. The husband is not greater than the wife. Instead, the Christian husband values his wife and only follows godly counsel, not the need for male domination.
Pros and Cons of Being a Submissive Wife
Now that you are clear about what a submissive wife is, here are the benefits and challenges of being one:
- You will live your married life, the biblical way.
- You know that the Holy Spirit provides you and your husband with godly counsel.
- There are no violent arguments. The home front is peaceful.
- The headache of making the final decision leans on your husband.
- The home thrives on mutual respect.
- A loving husband will give back his appreciation.
- There is a lower chance of infidelity if you practice mutual submission.
- There is a strong potential for being abused if your husband is not a true good Christian man.
- You may sometimes want to take control.
- You may have to subdue a strong personality.
- It may be easier for you to get manipulated by your husband, as you naturally step back for him.
- The modern world may not understand what you and your spouse have decided to take on.
Is it for you?
Before we get to the part where you can learn how to become a submissive wife, it is time to examine yourself. Is this path even for you? It must be clear that this path is not for everyone and not for every situation.
First off, how did you and your husband meet? Are the two of you equally involved in your church? Are you two both devoted to following God’s rules on love and partnership?
You are, after all, entering a covenant when you get married, just as God has made a covenant with humanity. If this is the case, then you may want to try it out for size.
Second, does your potential husband tend to dominate? Is domestic violence a strong possibility if you exchange vows with this guy? Does he not respect you as a woman? Then, steer clear, not just of the submissive woman role, but also of this man.
I am pretty sure that a man who will subject you to an abusive relationship is not Christian – at all. Now, if you are married already, then you can gauge how he acts at home. How does he respond to pressure? Does he suddenly show his true colors? Then, you should examine your position. Is it even safe to stay in this marriage?
Third, are you in a healthy marriage? If so, then you can expect both sides to contribute to a happy biblical marriage. It means that you can safely take on the role of a submissive woman.
Finally, do you think your husband is so pleasant and kind that you end up overwhelming and overshadowing him? Your powerful personality may be controlling him, leaving him diminished and diffident. Then, yes, you need to get on with the submissive wives’ guide, which follows below.
(Please remember that this is in no way a means to censor and put you down. Your personality can still shine through without making your husband feel invisible.)
How Do You Become a Submissive Wife?
A godly wife intends to make her husband’s wishes come true.
Yes, it is going to be hard, for sure. You live in the modern world, and this setup is going to be mocked and questioned.
Again, just for clarity, doing this does not mean to say that you are going to stifle your own voice. You are also only honestly expected to go through with it if your husband is also doing what he ought to do.
Serve him First
A simple way to do this is by serving him his meal before you serve anyone else in the house. Yes, you love your kids, but your partner is the person you will be with, even as your children move on as adults.
If there are guests at home, you can decide together to serve them first. However, you must make sure your husband is okay.
Make him Feel Good in his Home
Some men hesitate to go home because they do not get the chance even to say their peace. Some wives nag from the time their foot steps on the doorway.
Being a Christian wife means you must give him a chance to explain. He may be tired from work and need his meal. He must feel comfortable in his own home. You will see that he will be more likely to stay home if this is the case.
Listen to Each Other
In a godly marriage, there should be a willingness to listen to each other. Although a Christian woman is taught to practice submissiveness, it does not mean that she has to be a slave. Her opinions should also be heard, just as she listens to her husband.
Pray Together for Guidance and Everything Else
Praying together is another aspect of a godly marriage. Both parties will respect and be more patient with each other when both are open to divine support and intervention.
Share your thoughts and opinion but let him make the Final Say
Both sides should be able to discuss important matters. However, while you should tell him your side, you should let him have the final say as the head of the family. If he loves you enough, he will make a fair final decision for both of you.
Find a verse that you can use as your Mantra
Sometimes, a bible verse can serve as a mantra to remind you of your role as a wife. You can do this by being a Proverbs 31 wife.
The Proverbs 31 wife has a “noble character…She is far more than rubies.” The verse describes what such a wife entails. It is a dynamic, respectable woman who honors her husband by being steadfast in her character.
Put him before your Children
Your children came from your womb. However, you and your husband became one because of the sanctity of marriage. So, it is like putting a part of yourself first. You have made a vow to love and serve him.
In the end, when your children go to join their own spouses in holy matrimony, it will be the two of you left alone again. Your children should see this setup as a normal part of family life. They should still know that both you and your husband love and care for them.
Your children should be brought up according to God’s plan. At a young age, they must get used to praying and reading the bible.
Make suggestions Kindly
Biblical submission does not mean not having an opinion. It has been said before. When you do make a suggestion, make sure you do it kindly. It should not sound like a condescending command. Recommendations should be made while respecting each other.
Let him Protect you and your Children
While you may protect yourself and your children, let your husband feel the brunt of his role as the head of the family and make him feel like hero for your family.
Give him that responsibility. He must love and cherish you and your children. Show him that he can provide security in many forms.
It will offer him a sense of accomplishment and joy. Remember that you and your children are the best things he ever has. So, he will willingly want to do this. Let him do what he enjoys doing.
Let him Defend You
Again, it does not mean that you are too helpless to defend yourself. Let him defend you. Let him feel his role as your husband. You may realize that it is also good to hear him tell other people how special you are to him.
Pray Constantly – Alone and Together
Prayers will continue to strengthen you and your marriage. Your faith will give new meaning to a submissive marriage. Without God in your life, your husband will end up dominating you because you let him.
He may not reciprocate by giving you the devotion that you deserve. Prayer will remind both of you that you are in a marriage where mutual respect is a daily part.
Ephesians verse 22: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Ephesians verse 22 has what you need to follow to be a faithful Christian wife. This submission to your husband is also a submission to God’s word. A Christian marriage respects each other’s role in its success.
You will realize that by following all the steps above, you can give yourself a chance to become a true Proverbs 31 woman. Let that biblical chapter be your guide. Read the bible with your husband so that both of you can see God’s will for your marriage.
The Devotion System
Amy North’s Devotion System may help you attract the right type of man. The system will teach you how to make a Christian man fall in love with you through a series of online-based programs. You can also download the entire content so that you can go through them offline, as well.
The Devotion System will help you find the right man to submit to. Not everyone is willing to be engaged in mutual submission. So, you need to ensure that you have a man who loves you enough to be part of a loving Christian marriage.
Submissiveness within a marriage may not always be how people see it. When done in the proper context of a God-fearing marriage, it can be done right. It is not a matter of merely knowing the scriptures. It is also about being fair and respecting each other’s roles.
Modern men and women have become so independent that they do not care if the other is separated from them. It becomes easy to separate or divorce because the spouses have not truly become one. In being a submissive wife, you can show your willingness to be a partner who is dedicated to her role. Of course, you must also find someone willing to take on his role as a Christian husband.
So, are people frowning at the fact you have devoted yourself as a submissive wife? If they are willing to listen, you can talk about how the setup works. The giving and taking in this marriage is what makes it work.