So, you think you have found The One. It is a monumental event to find that special person, and it can get you excited. After all, you want to spend your whole life with this person.
Hey, it is understandable. Love can make you feel like that. But is love enough of a reason to get down on your knees?
Have you heard about some people commenting on how someone proposed too soon? Never mind those other people, right? After all, in a marriage proposal, the important thing is the couple at its core.
However, sometimes, the little whispers that you hear have some wisdom in them. Some people do fall into a quick rhythm and fall in love right away. However, some people may be taking the plunge too soon – or making the wrong decision.
Heck, sometimes you have been with a person for so many years, yet marriage is still not a great option.
Here are a few guidelines that can help:
Wait at least 3 to 6 Months
While this may not work for everyone, a 3 to 6 month waiting period can help you better understand your relationship.
Well, sometimes the love that you thought you were feeling may just be lust – or maybe the strong feeling of companionship.
If your relationship is going too fast and you see an engagement within a short period, your marriage can be threatened by the fact you two do not know each other well yet.
Some would rather wait a year or more, but it really depends on how intimate (physically and emotionally) the two of you have become with your special person.
Think about Your Age
Examine yourself. Are you one of those excitable young people in your late teens or early twenties? Hey, I am not saying you are not mature. Some young people are a lot more mature than some adults.
However, being young also means that your life is right in front of you. Finding a partner should not be done in a rush.
Now, if you are in your early thirties or even late thirties to early forties, it does not mean you should take the plunge, either. Be careful about thinking of marriage as a requirement at your age. Instead, get into an engagement when you are sure about wanting to spend forever with your partner.
Age also does not matter in this case.
Self-Examine – and then do it together
Look inside yourself. What makes you want to make a firm commitment at this point in your life?
Are you lonely? Then, you need to fix that part of your life first. It is not right to enter family life just to cover up some of life’s bumpy moments.
Are you just in it for the glint of an engagement ring? You can start saving up, but it does not mean to say that marriage must happen soon. The final decision should depend on the relationship itself.
Do you love the other person? Do you feel like you cannot live without the person? Is it the type of relationship wherein you are unsure if your partner will stay if you don’t take it to the next level even if you have not been dating for long?
Do not get yourself into a forced situation. Do not offer marriage just because you were given an ultimatum, unless, of course, said ultimatum woke you up. You suddenly realize that you should have asked a long time ago.
Talk as a couple. What is it that you want from each other? What makes you click? Do you have a primarily physical relationship, or do you feel a bond that goes beyond that?
If it is merely physical, you may want to rethink your decision to propose. A deeper emotional bond in a shorter relationship is better than a primarily physical relationship that has been going on for years.
Think of how Strong Your Connection is
You will have an idea if you and your partner have a strong connection.
You will feel it. The two of you can already almost read each other’s minds. You know what the other will do in certain situations. Everyone else can feel how close you are to each other.
Connections can also be more tangible. Perhaps, you and yours have met each other’s parents. You have the same circle of friends. Of course, even then, these connections should enhance your relationship and not become a form of pressure – just because your family and friends want to hear wedding bells ringing soon.
Having solid connections, however, show that you are on the right track towards married life. Successful marriages are built on friendship and steady relationship development.
Consider the Living Arrangements
Are you living together? Then, marriage is not a drastic step. You already know your strengths and weaknesses as both of you have seen what the other is like behind closed doors. Cohabitation can sometimes gauge true love.
Of course, it would help if the live-in arrangements come with responsibilities, not just playing house. If you have already experienced sharing chores and bills and have no issues, perhaps you are on your way to happy married life. You might want to check this guide “How soon is too soon to Move-in“.
Analyze Your Mental Health
If you still have some past trauma that is wreaking havoc with your mental health, pause awhile. Do you need to take the plunge now, or should you go for healing first?
It depends on just how much your relationship contributes to your healing. Does your partner make you feel better about yourself? Are they willing to stick with you no matter what and help you through what you are going through?
If you have not told your partner about your issues, then you are not ready – at all. Honesty and openness are essential in relationships.
What about Past Relationships?
Another thing that could make you second guess taking the plunge is your attachment to past relationships.
Are you over them?
Did you just jump from one relationship to another? If that is the case, you may not be ready. You may just be covering up your pain with another partner.
In the end, you may find yourself pining for that other person or not being sure about what to think about the one you have at the moment.
Compatibility in Religious Tradition
While you may think religion does not matter between the two of you, think about the following questions:
– Do you share a religion?
_ Do you know where you will get married? Will it be religious? Will it be following one person’s religion? Will you then skip the religious part and have a civil wedding? If the two of you still cannot decide how you want the wedding to be, you two may not be ready yet.
While you two must appreciate liking different things, a wedding is special. You cannot just please one side. The two of you must make a decision together.
Getting Caught in the Wedding Season Blues
Do not get married if you simply think everyone else is getting married. You must make your own decision at your own pace. Do not get caught in the wedding season blues.
Remember that while divorce exists, you cannot just marry with that in mind. You must marry when you are ready, at your own season and with your true love.
Do not worry about people telling you that you have been dating for too long. What is important is that you and your partner are operating at the same level.
So, how soon is too soon to propose?
It is too soon if:
– You are still coping with traumas that your partner is not aware of.
– You are still too comfortable about being single.
– There are some religious incompatibilities that the two of you have not resolved.
– Your mind and heart are stuck in a previous relationship.
– Your relationship is more physical than emotional.
– You have not introduced your partner to your family yet. Don’t mistake this for letting others decide for you.
In the end, a close examination of yourself and your partner together can help you make that final decision. Decide your own place.
In case, you have decided to propose, your next question might be “Should I propose before or after Dinner.”