So, you have fallen in love. The person you are with seems perfect, and you cannot get enough of him.
Does this mean you must move in together? Admit it: someone is whispering “no” somewhere. However, you still get to make the final decision. Whether or not you are ready, you will always find a naysayer.
You reason to yourself, “Well, we are always together, anyway.” But sleeping in each other’s homes from time to time is different from making a conscious choice to move in together. The former
is an easy decision but the later one needs a deep thought.
Don’t worry, today I will help you to make that important decision and answer your burning question – “how soon is too soon to move in together”.
So let’s get started step by step –
What Does Moving in Together Mean?
Moving in together means that you will be sharing a home. One has to make the serious choice of leaving his current home to live with his partner’s.
You can definitely tell that this is a completely different level compared to your current relationship.
In fact, these moving in together will be near the top of the big decisions you must make in life. You do not need a relationship expert to tell you that there is more to moving in together than just romance.
Do remember that ready or not, the honeymoon phase will not last forever.
When is it Too Soon to Move in Together?
How soon is too soon to move in? The initial response to this is if you are not ready. If you are in a new relationship, you may have to pause awhile and reconsider.
It also has to do with the readiness of both partners. If one treats dating as a game, the couple will not be able to take their relationship to a more serious level. It just does not make sense.
Even if you two are in a healthy relationship, moving in is a big step.
Cohabitation will bring out the best and worst of each of you. It is not always romantic. So, you must be ready for that part of the deal.
The Things to Consider before Moving in
The full question should run as “How soon is too soon to live together before marriage?”
Though living together when you are married basically spells out the same setup, you at least have the commitment on paper.
Without marriage, you only have to rely on your passion and love for each other.
Here are some of the pros and cons of living together before marriage:
1. You get to test the strength of your relationship.
When you are living together, the filters are gone. Instead of seeing only the sweet and attractive side of you, your partner will see grumpy and unpleasant sides.
Let us face it. We all have our bad sides. These facets of ourselves will only come out when we are with people who are closest to us.
This is not our selves that we show off on Facebook and the rest of social media. This is gritty reality. If your guy can stand that, then it means that you two can go through a lot more.
It does not mean to say that you will not have relationship issues. You will. Even married couples who have been together for long do not have the perfect life that they strive for.
2. You get to wake up together.
So, there is no more rushing to get home. Both of you can savor the feeling of being together in the mornings. It also feels great to be going home to the one you love.
Most couples decide to move in together for this certain feeling of togetherness.
3. There is one rent or mortgage to pay for.
If one of you gives up his house or apartment, then there would be one rent or mortgage to pay for. This is a great investment if you are in a strong and healthy relationship.
If you opt for cohabitation on a whim, you are taking a dangerous financial risk.
If you are the one who gave up your home, you may be facing great uncertainty after a breakup. We are not wishing that – but we must face eventualities.
4. You will get a security boost if you realize how responsible your partner is.
If you are lucky enough to have a responsible partner, get ready to fall in love again. Your boyfriend may just be the perfect person and seeing his true self will let you see that you have made the right choice.
1. There is no commitment beyond the verbal.
When you are getting together without marriage, your commitment is verbal. You want to be together, so you decide to stay together.
So, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, you can still claw out of it. However, the impact would be greater, too.
After all, cohabitation has made you two closer for better or for worse.
2. Your partner is financially irresponsible – or you are.
You may have decided to live together to save money while enjoying each other’s company. It sounds like a good idea. However, if your partner is financially irresponsible, fights will ensue.
If you have been drowning in your finances before, prepare to have it worse.
The weight of the budget may fall on your guy, and it will not be pleasant – unless he is super rich. Even then, your lack of capacity for budgeting is not a good look.
3. The status of property ownership is unclear.
When you are not married yet, the status of property ownership is unclear. Even married couples fight over property after a divorce. A widow may even have to affirm her claims.
4. Cohabiting takes away personal space.
If you like being alone, cohabitation will take that away from you. Do you love your partner enough to be with him 24/7?
A romantic relationship is not just about chocolates and wine. As you spend more time with your partner, you will find things that will grate at you. It happens even with loved ones who are related to you.
Should You Talk About Finances Before Living Together?
Yes, definitely. You should have a conversation about how you will deal with money issues. This is a priority, even.
Top Signs Moving in is Too Soon
1) You are not financially ready.
Another way of looking at this is that you two have varying financial goals. Your priorities are not the same. This will just result in intense conflicts.
2) You have not had a big fight yet.
If you are still in the honeymoon phase, do not even think of taking such a big step. If you are still starry-eyed, you two have only seen the best parts of each other. This is not a fairy tale. A new love may feel like it. Wait for each other’s true colors to shine through first.
3) You are not in a committed relationship.
Fresh out of a second date, you thought you have found the love of your life. That may be true. However, you need to get to know the person more to trust him enough with your life.
Cohabiting is basically that. You will be trusting the other person with your happiness and wellbeing.
4) Your relationship is in trouble.
If you think your relationship will get better if you start living together, you are wrong.
Cohabiting is not a Band Aid that will help heal wounds. In fact, it may make things worse. You will be spending more time with a person you probably should be taking a break from.
Your relationship problem may be requiring the two of you to step away from each other for awhile. This way, you can see the situation more clearly.
5) You are being forced into it.
Being pressured into it should not be a reason for you to agree to living together. Another person cannot force you to decide.
Imagine what it would be like to be married to this person. Do not get into a situation that feels more like a prison than a haven.
6) A roommate is involved.
If a friend is living with one of you, think about that person. He gets a say, too. You may not mind invading each other’s personal space, but what about this friend’s own?
7) You are testing your partner.
If this is a relationship test, forget about it. It means you are not sure at some level. You must only decide to live together if the two of you feel secure.
Not every seemingly healthy relationship is ready for cohabitation. Sometimes, you may be at your end. To know whether your partner is ready on his end, you may want to apply some Infatuation Scripts.
Clinical psychologist Clayton Max will at least be able to let you into your partner’s thoughts.
See how you can make your partner divulge what he really wants in your relationship. You two must be on the same level if you want to make cohabitation work.