Do you ever feel like men just don’t seem interested in committing or really investing their emotions into a relationship?
You’re not alone. Many women struggle to understand what exactly it takes for a committed relationship with a man.
You may be wondering if something is wrong with him or if something is wrong with you.
Luckily, an evolutionary concept called the “Hero Instinct” can provide us with some valuable insight. This is something deeply rooted in every man: The instinct to provide, protect and take care of the ones he loves.
But here is the thing, it may not exactly be what you think it is. No, your man is not hoping to get dressed in capes and tights. This is not about that kind of hero.
Triggering this hero instinct requires more than just romantic acts; it’s about understanding how men think and communicate on both emotional and logical levels.
In this article, we’ll look at what exactly hero instinct is and the latest failproof ways to trigger the hero instinct in a man for better relationships.
We’ll discuss strategies that go beyond just romantic acts to help build a deeper connection between partners.
What is the Hero Instinct?
Hero Instinct is an innate biological drive, much like hunger and thirst, for men to feel understood, appreciated, and needed.
It refers to a man’s need to be seen as a hero and protector of those he cares about, just like the classic example of the damsel in distress story.
While Hero Instinct seems like it has been there all along, a relationship expert named James Bauer formally coined the term.
You will read about the concept in his insightful dating book, “His Secret Obsession.”
Every man is biologically primed to want three main things:
- to live meaningfully and be appreciated
- to provide for those he cared about
- to be respected
A man’s secret obsession is to be a hero to someone.
When hero instinct is triggered in a man, it can lead him to take action in powerful ways – both physical and emotional – that create a strong bond between him and those he cares about.
All kinds of men have these instincts inside of them. Some are just more readily able to express themselves than others.
With some, it may take a little bit of prying for you to get them to show their instincts.
If you do not see the above from your man, you are either not looking closely, or your man is yet an untapped hero.
Help him see his potential by actively searching for his potential. Perhaps you also need to know where to look.
Dating and relationship coach James Bauer praises the importance of understanding this concept; it has become increasingly popular over recent years as many women have started to see just how powerful activating the hero instinct can be in any romantic relationship.
The hero instinct refers to the idea that when a man is with the right woman who triggers this drive in him, he finds her irresistible.
He then becomes devoted to her, prioritizing her over all other aspects in life.
Ultimately, when this instinct is triggered, it brings out powerful emotions within a man’s psyche making him more willing to commit to the woman involved.
How to trigger Hero Instinct in Your Man?
As you now know, a trigger is still essential. You need to be able to show your man that you care.
Bauer offers his risk-free book. It does not cost much if you have to think of the results you can get from it.
Even before you buy the product itself, there are a few simple things that you can already do.
To trigger your man’s hero instinct, you must find ways to boost his confidence. Here are some of the ways mentioned in the book “His Secret Obsession”:
1. Asking Your Man for his Help & Opinion
While he may have thought you an enticing woman because of your independence, you must also be obsessively compelling. How do you do that?
You must seek his help from time to time and allow him to release his masculine energy and unleash the hero instinct.
To be worthy of something is what most men desires, and it finds its ultimate expression in being a hero.
- Even if it is as simple as getting that darn jar opened or receiving some advice on the article you wrote, ask for his help, and find ways to channel the inner hero in him. A man wants to feel needed,
- Make him feel as if he completes you just as you complete him. A man doesn’t want to feel superfluous, he needs to feel secure too.
- If you have children together, give him an active role. You don’t have to do everything. He wants to be trusted, too.
2. Show your Appreciation
Mutual appreciation is vital in a relationship to keep it strong and healthy.
You must know the right Hero Instinct phrases to whisper in his ears.
Be thankful for him being himself. Make him feel good, a vocal thank you may do, or you can show your appreciation another way.
Consider him your hero; whether that’s the case, the important thing is you make him feel like he’s one. Men don’t want to feel or be viewed as weak; thinking of your man, he’ll feel good if you treat him as a hero.
To be a hero to someone, especially to his lover, is every man’s secret obsession, and let him know that.
3. Encourage him to Pursue Betterment
When he wants to improve himself, support him. Perhaps he wants to go for a promotion, further studies, or a business startup. He needs your support.
Be his cheerleader. Even though men are less likely to show their emotions, they can be vulnerable, too. They also need someone to be there for them because they will be there for you.
A caring and appreciative partner will always find her hero.
Be that link to everything positive and progressive. Do not hold him back for the sake of tying him down. Don’t worry: he will remember everything that you do for him. If he is the sort who doesn’t – then he may also be not the guy you want in your life.
4. Make sure he knows that He Makes You Happy
Words can be strong. it can embolden the hero instinct in your man. It does not take a physical gift for your man to see just how much you care. Tell him, why don’t you?
Show him that all his efforts were not for nothing. Give him a wide smile or even a kiss that seems to come out of nowhere. It will be a pleasant surprise.
While the above does not reveal Bauer’s secret phrases, you can already get started on triggering your husband’s natural protective nature.
If you want to know more, you must check out His Secret Obsession. It is not just made up of a couple of tips. It is a program designed specifically to transform your man into relationship material quality.
5. Old-Fashioned Chivalry
It may feel a little bit old-fashioned, but embracing moments of chivalry and romance can really help to trigger a man’s hero instinct. You don’t have to give over all your independence, but giving him opportunities to act like a gentleman can make an impact.
For example, what might seem like small things, such as allowing him open the door or carry your bag for you, can be thoughtful gestures that make him feel needed.
These moments can even help elevate his self-esteem. Even if it’s something minor, embracing these old-fashioned moments with your partner can go a long way in helping spark his hero instincts.
6. Be Vulnerable
If you want to trigger the hero instinct in a man, one of the first things you must do is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. It can be scary and difficult especially if you’ve been hurt or facing relationship problems. You may feel like it’s best to guard your emotions as a kind of self-protection.
By allowing yourself to open up and be vulnerable, though, you give a man permission to feel more secure and safe around you. This will make it easier for him to come close and connect with you emotionally. It also allows him to sense that he can trust you because he gets to see your authentic self instead of an image that doesn’t really reflect who you actually are.
Remember, if a man ever judges, shames or rejects how you express your vulnerability, then this might be cause for concern. It could indicate that he is immature or cannot handle real intimacy in relationships. In any case, it should serve as an important red flag for you so pay attention.
7. Support His Emotions
When it comes to triggering the hero instinct in men, it’s important to remember that embracing his vulnerability is key.
Men often believe they must perform well to be worthy, and while they may want to make you proud of them, they also have feelings and emotional needs.
it is important to remember to show your support for his emotions. This can mean anything from letting him cry without judgement, validating any fears he may have, reassuring him when he gets embarrassed or making sure to remain calm whenever he feels the need to express anger.
Show him that you don’t expect him to change how he feels – it’s natural for us all to have emotions from time to time. Instead, let him know that you’re there for him whenever he needs your support. This will help him feel accepted and respected – both traits necessary for a strong relationship.
8. Let Him Be Your Decision-Maker
One of the best ways to trigger it is to let him make decisions for you. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to surrender all control and follow his every suggestion — it just means that you give him the freedom to choose things for you.
For example, if he offers to pick up dinner or ice cream, tell him that he can pick whatever he thinks is best — this will boost his confidence since it shows that you trust his judgment.
This may seem like a small thing, but it can show him that you look up to him and respect his opinion in even the smallest decisions.
Ultimately, seeing your willingness to accept his choices can be enough to trigger his hero instinct and make him feel important and appreciated.
9. Spend Quality Time with Him
Spend quality time with him. Taking the time to get acquainted and show interest in what he has to say sets off a subconscious reaction that will make him feel more connected and appreciated.
Small gestures like paying attention when he speaks, displaying genuine interest, and encouraging a meaningful conversation are all part of nurturing this bond.
This also works with showing appreciation for who he is and what he does by expressing gratitude for things like help around the house or even his dedication at work.
Taking time out of your day to invest in his presence can have far-reaching effects for your relationship.
10. Express Your Commitment Toward Him
One of the most effective tactics is expressing your commitment to him. That doesn’t mean you have to get down on one knee and propose – it just means that you need to show him what he means to you.
The key is to be honest with your feelings and intentions. You don’t want to scare him away by professing your love too soon, but when the relationship develops and becomes more serious, it’s important to let him know how committed you are.
Letting him know that he has an important place in your life is a great way to trigger the Hero Instinct in him.
11. Don’t ask for Nonstop Assistance
If you have a meaningful relationship, it is important to maintain a sense of independence.
Don’t become too needy and always expect your partner to be there to do everything for you; this can lead to an unequal and one-sided relationship.
Instead, make sure you’re taking part in your own activities, making your own decisions, and managing your own priorities.
When it comes to needing help from your significant other, don’t ask for nonstop assistance – choose when you need support selectively.
Give him the opportunity to take charge and do something for you, but be sure that you’re not relying entirely on them; this will let them know that although you respect their opinion and want their help from time-to-time, you are not dependent on it.
Maintaining some autonomy in the relationship is essential for creating an environment of mutual respect and attraction.
12. Give him Space & Freedom
One of the most important things you can do is to give him space. Don’t feel like you need to be with him every second of every day; even though it might be tempting, it’s not the healthiest thing for a relationship.
Giving your man the chance to go out and spend time with his friends, or just have some alone time, can make all the difference when it comes to triggering the hero instinct.
You’ll also both benefit from having a bit of time apart – it will make missing each other just that much sweeter!
13. Talk about His Life
Another way is to talk about his life.
Ask him about work, his family and friends or what he’s thinking about – anything that would show him you care about him on a deeper level.
This will help break down walls and create an atmosphere of honest and meaningful connection between the two of you.
Not only will talking to him about his life make it easier for both of you to open up but it can also show him that you’re truly interested in getting to know him and understanding where he comes from.
And as we all know, being seen and understood is at the core of all human connections!
14. Speak the Language of Love
The key to making the hero instinct kick in is understanding what makes him feel loved.
You can get this type of information by finding out his love language, according to Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages theory.
Knowing your partner’s love language will help you figure out how best to show him your love and care.
Do you know what his love language is? If not, there are free quizzes available online that can help you figure it out.
Once you know, consider how you can add extra emphasis on his particular language. Maybe he feels most connected when quality time is spent together or when acts of service like doing the dishes or washing the car are done for him.
On top of identifying his specific love language, think about the little things that make him feel special and appreciated.
Make a point to focus more on those activities – perhaps its making him a particular meal or wearing fancy clothes – whenever you have time together and watch as he lights up with joy!
15. Let him be A Protector Sometimes
Another great way to activate a man’s hero instinct is by allowing him to be your protector.
Show him that you trust and rely on him enough to let him protect you. This could be from something as simple as watching a scary movie with him and letting him hold you or walking with him late at night and having his arm around you for security.
This will provide an opportunity for the man to feel good about himself because he is able to fulfill this sense of protection and trustworthiness.
Letting your man take on this role not only activates his hero instinct but it also shows him how much you value his strength and confidence.
The Key: Boost his confidence
It is all about appreciating your man and making him do more to be a better person and a better lover.
If you want to trigger his hero instinct, you must also do your part and be appreciative of everything he does.
A man fall in love more deeply with a woman who can bring the best out of him. In that case, he can be a true hero even if you don’t ask for it.
The more you recognize and appreciate him, the more confidence he has, the more likely his hero instinct will encourage him to do better.
How to Trigger Hero Instinct through Text
If you’re looking for ways to trigger a man’s hero instinct over text, then you can use the following 4 ways:
- Appreciate Him
- Ask for His Advice
- Compliment Him
- Tell him He makes you Happy
Here are a few example texts that you can use to tap into his heroic nature in your conversations over text messages:
1. Appreciate Him
A simple, sincere text thanking him for his assistance and letting him know how much he is appreciated will go a long way in triggering the Hero Instinct in him.
Other effective ways are sending thoughtful compliments like telling him how clever he is or emphasizing how much strength he has.
Example Text: “Flowers you bought me yesterday made me smile all day long. Thanks”
2. Ask for His Advice
One reliable way to encourage the “hero instinct” in a man is to ask him for his advice over text. This can be on anything, whether it’s what kind of phone or laptop you should buy, where you should go on vacation next, or even which book you should read.
Example Text: “Should I wear this dress or that One for our date?”
3. Compliment Him
When your partner does something nice or goes the extra mile, be sure to let him know that you noticed. Even something small like complimenting his favorite shirt or telling him how much you appreciate him putting in extra effort at work can make him feel valued and boost his confidence in himself.
When giving compliments, focus on being genuine.
Example Text: “You were looking quite sexy in that new shirt yesterday.“
4. Tell him He makes you Happy
If you want to trigger your man’s hero instinct, it’s essential that you show him he makes you happy.
Example Text: “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I forget the world when we’re together.“
What Are the Hero Instinct 12 Words?
The Hero Instinct 12 words are a key tool mentioned by James Bauer to trigger the hero instinct in men.
While they are not revealed without purchasing his paid course, it is possible to create your own phrase that will have the same effect.
The key elements are to make sure that your words acknowledge and emphasize your man’s positive traits and characteristics, as well as to recognize your own happiness and contentment with him.
Make it a goal to space out these positive affirmations, so that he feels appreciated on a regular basis.
In addition, don’t forget to make him feel needed. Letting him know how much you value his input and his contributions can be deeply meaningful for him and help strengthen the bond between you two.
Due to the intellectual property of the author, we can’t disclose those 12 words to the public. But I can assure you that those are simple yet very powerful words you would find in his book “His Secret Obsessions.“
Why is this Concept so Important for women?
The hero instinct is incredibly important for women to understand and take full advantage of.
Why? Because it’s the secret to cultivating long-term, loving, and passionate relationships with men.
By triggering the hero instinct in your man, you’re giving him something his core desires—something that has been a part of male nature for centuries.
On the flip side, if you don’t engage in activities or conversations that trigger his hero instinct, you won’t be able to form strong bonds with men, and your relationships will suffer as a result.
Most men today are emotionally unavailable in some capacity due to long-standing gender roles and expectations; tapping into their inner desire to be a valiant hero is the only way you can make them open up and feel connected to you.
Knowing most men’s primal desires will at least let you understand how their hearts and mind work.
By being aware of what men truly need, women can, in turn, treat them as the everyday heroes that they are.
Their men’s secret obsession need not be secret anymore.
Loving, long-term relationships should put them at the fore, even if there is no actual vocal acknowledgment.
What is important is that you want to be part of a happy relationship with your partner. This desire means a constant series of giving and taking.
Well, think about it. What do you do when you study what it is like to make your relationship work?
It means that you care.
It also means that you believe that investment in the hero is vital to keeping hiccups in relationships at bay.
Are you a strong independent woman?
If you are, then I bet it makes this knowledge rewarding.
You feel like you can take on anything. The same goes for your man. He wants attention and even a simple smile of appreciation.
He deserves it.
There is no contradiction between an independent woman and a man’s desire to be a hero to his lover.
Does Hero Instinct Mean Being Primal and Instinctive?
This instinct is indeed primal and instinctive.
Men’s protective instincts have cavemen roots. They always have this tendency.
It is also true that humans have evolved to become monogamous early because of the species’ desire to survive. STDs become more endemic when populations are bigger.
However, men of today can sometimes leave because the population also has access to protection.
There is something primal and instinctive about men’s desire to be heroes.
I am trying to say here that by triggering his instincts, we may inspire his protection and loyalty, monogamy, and sense of family.
How do his instincts manifest?
In healthy relationships, you will notice that your man will be automatically protective. His body is primed to protect yours from danger.
Yes, you do not have to experience extreme cases, like being hunted down or anything like that. However, a simple inclination to take your side during arguments shows you that protective side.
Your partner is also inclined to place you on the safe side when strolling on the sidewalk.
Your husband or boyfriend may not be an action hero, but he can be the closest thing you will ever need.
Men may not talk a lot about their emotions, but you will see how he cares through their actions. Look closely, and you will see how he goes out of the way to show you respect and affection.
He wants the same, as well. When he gets it, he will be constant.
All of the things that he showed you during the honeymoon stage will continue manifesting until together you create a successful, long-lasting relationship.
Will triggering your man’s instincts require you to play the damsel in distress?
So, you probably think: Since I need to make my man feel needed, do I need to play the damsel in distress?
No, thankfully, you do not have to.
Even if you are competent, a man in love will still want to do things for you. A man who is not just in love but also aware of his important role will be there.
If you are not a damsel in distress, why trigger the hero instinct? It is because it is beneficial in your relationship.
In his mind, he is not playing the hero. He is just doing something very natural to himself.
Your man has been made aware that you are a vital part of his life. Protecting you is also protecting himself.
While this used to be his secret obsession, it is no longer secret – at least to you.
He does not know what you are up to. All he knows is that the woman he loves finally sees him as himself.
If it is so natural, why do you need to trigger it?
I know what you are thinking. If this is so inherent in a man’s life, why do you need to uncover this magic? Why do you need to acknowledge men playing heroes?
All men have the desire to play heroes in their women’s lives. However, not everyone does so to the point of obsession.
So, when a man realizes that he can be in a better relationship, he will still leave.
Is that what you want?
If you have found a man that gives you attention and respect, you want to do the same for him.
This is a man with a kind heart. Despite the natural protectiveness of all men, he is now a rare find.
Instincts do not just mold men. All other factors around him affect the way he acts.
So, a good man who has not been appreciated for his efforts will start to break down.
Playing a hero is part of men’s desire to find meaning in their lives.
Imagine if your everyday life has become a hurdle. He will start to find meaning elsewhere.
When a man does not get the emotional satisfaction he needs, he will start to wonder and wander. Suddenly, issues and differences become bigger than they are.
You don’t want to reach that point in your otherwise loyal relationship.
That is why there is a need to trigger the hero instinct in a man. It has its benefits, and your relationship might be better if you trigger his hero instinct.
But to trigger hero instinct is not easy, you must not overdo it. You must find a subtle way to trigger his hero instinct, making it more of a natural appeal for help.
Is Hero Instinct Real?
Yes, the hero instinct is real. It’s an innate quality that some people have to protect and care for others. It’s something that can’t be learned or taught, but it’s something that exists.
Does Hero Instinct work?
The hero instinct is a real thing, and it does work. It’s based on the idea that we are all wired to respond to certain cues that trigger a deep-seated need to protect and provide for others.
When you learn how to activate a man’s hero instinct, it can have a profound effect on his behavior and attitude.
What is a Man’s Secret Obsession?
Men have a deep-seated desire to feel needed and irreplaceable in the eyes of their partner. They have a secret obsession with being accepted, appreciated, and cherished for all that they do.
The key to unlocking this secret obsession is to share your own needs and wants first. This allows him to feel that he is not just filling a role but actually earning your love over and over again. When a man can consistently experience falling in love with someone, his secret obsession will be triggered and he won’t want anyone else but you.
This secret obsession exists even in the wake of unresolved relationships or breakups; He may come to his senses realizing that there is no one else who compares to you which sparks an urge to win you back. Your response though is left entirely up to you.
Can Hero Instinct Help Improve the Relationship?
The Hero Instinct has the potential to improve a relationship in many ways. We all want to be valued and appreciated in our relationships, and men are no exception.
By triggering the hero instinct in your man, you can make him feel special and important among his loved ones. He will be motivated to do more for you, whether it’s simple gestures of love or acts of courage.
At the same time, this can also help both of you feel recognized and important. Through embracing the hero instinct you can help cut through the mundane everyday tasks and add new energy into your relationship.
So if you’re searching for a way to reinvigorate a dull relationship, it might be worth trying out the Hero Instinct.
What are the Benefits of Hero instinct for you and your man?
Triggering your man’s hero instinct can be beneficial for both you and him. For one thing, it may help you become even closer to each other. By doing this, it shows that you really value him and care deeply about establishing a close relationship with him.
In addition, triggering the hero instinct can also help improve his confidence in himself, and his confidence in the relationship between you two. He may feel more secure knowing that you understand how hard he is trying to provide for you and make sure that your needs are taken care of.
Ultimately, triggering the hero instinct can benefit everyone involved by strengthening the bond between both parties and allowing them to reach a deeper level of understanding with each other.
A man who is in love will want to take care of you. He will want to keep you out of danger.
Sometimes, though, this feeling does not last because he does not feel reciprocation. He feels like all that he does is not recognized. So, he is more inclined to wander elsewhere.
Of course, some men are not meant to be superheroes, anyway. But you know your man better than anyone. Is he a good guy at his core, but you two are still having problems?
If you answered “yes” to that question, then Bauer’s program is the right one for you.
It just means that your man’s trigger has not yet been activated. So, you must do something. You don’t want to let a good guy slip through your fingers.
If you are here reading this article, it also means that your relationship is precious enough to save.
He is lucky to have you, but triggering his instinct means having you remember that you are fortunate to have him.
So, go out there and check out Bauer’s His Secret Obsession to get the exclusive deal.
Downloading the full package costs $47. That is quite a steal compared to a typical coaching session of $197.
Going through a difficult situation right now with a workhololic ,I feel we do have enough time for intimacy
I thank you for your thought. Please help me I don’t want to lose him.