There is that question.
Don’t worry: we do not take the word “crazy” lightly.
We know that the word can mean so many things, depending on who says it. However, in our case, we want to be as accurate as possible. We want to distinguish between a mental illness and merely “acting” crazy.
But what are you really trying to describe?
Think about it. What made you call your wife crazy in the first place? You must not just focus on her when you are trying to label her but also look at yourself in the process.
Hopefully, this article will help you decide whether you have a crazy wife in your hands or not. Perhaps you may even start suspecting that this is a case of a crazy husband projecting.
Are you ready to find out the truth?
How do you label her as crazy?
Some men believe their wives are crazy when they begin to act grumpier than usual. They seem to be in a mix of moods half the time. They could be smiling one moment and then crying the next like mood swing.
Other husbands are bewildered when the true nature of their wives starts coming out. The sweet nature, enhanced by a pretty face, has turned out to be a mere façade. What replaces this ideal-seeming lady is a controlling shrew who cannot be pleased with anything.
If you are the husband, your wife will likely show you this side of hers more than she would outside the house. In a way, it is comforting to know that she trusts you enough with her real self.
But her displays of stress are also stressing you out. So, you want to find out the truth behind her actions. It is also frustrating that she did not let out this side of her during your courtship. In a way, you feel like you were lured into a trap that you cannot get out of.
So, you want to list the symptoms, as you may want to call them. It seems husbands tend to call their wives crazy when they:
- Do not agree with them willingly
- Are easy to anger
- Complain about every little thing
- Are very moody
- Are physically or emotionally abusive (e.g., calls you names/hits you)
- Use emotional blackmail to get ahead during arguments
- Make their husbands feel guilty about everything
- Want to control every aspect of their lives
There can be many ways in which a wife can be labeled as crazy. It depends on the partnership.
Again, let us take the issue of mental health seriously. The crazy wife points listed above may mean something else entirely.
What was your relationship not so long ago?
If your wife has always been like this, then perhaps the honeymoon phase has just finished. The stars in your eyes are gone – and you finally see her for what she has always been.
Of course, you are talking about a woman that you have fallen in love with. You would not have proposed to her if you had not loved aspects of her.
Chances are, she had not always been like that. Something must have set her off. I mean, would you marry a crazy woman? What kind of husband-wife relationship do you expect if you did just that? What type of relationship did you have before the marriage, as well? Hopefully, it is not full of lies. Nope, nobody wants to think that.
Why do you think she is behaving that way?
The first thing that you must examine is yourself.
- Have you been treating your wife as fairly as possible?
- Have you done anything to upset her lately?
- Are you the only one she is acting crazy with?
- Have you ever had an affair – and then she found out about it?
- Have you always had a strained relationship as a couple?
- Would you say your marriage is a happy one – or not?
- Has she always been like that as a girlfriend?
- Did you only live together after you were married?
Then, the solution is simple. Have a talk. Be open about what issues the two of you are having. Once the two of you are in the clear, you may find out that it is all a matter of misunderstanding and a strong case of passive-aggressiveness.
But if you can honestly say that it was not you that did anything wrong, then perhaps something else is afoot.
What about her previous family life?
Yes, I know that you are her family now. However, what was she like with her other loved ones? I am talking about her parents and her siblings. Was there a significant change in what her life was like then?
Here are more questions that you can explore:
- Has her family life been a little strange, as well?
- Does she have problems dealing with her emotions?
- Did she have a mom who succumbed to the same rollercoaster of emotions?
- Did she have an absentee dad?
- Was there violence in her family?
When you got to know her, she may have opened to you about any childhood issues. You can analyze whether the situation was so dire that she would have some late reaction to her life then.
Suppose you have ever read even one issue of Psychology Today or a psychology textbook. In that case, you know that these things can have effects even later on in life.
But if her family was never the dysfunctional type, you may have to check on what is going on with her today.
Ask yourself the following:
- Is my wife between the ages 35 to 45?
- Then, it might be perimenopause. Your wife’s body may be preparing for menopause. So, she is getting used to the change of hormone levels. If she is more open about her periods, you may find out if she is getting more irregular.
- What does it mean for her to be irregular? She may not be menopausal yet, but her body is preparing her for that. It can be a frustrating process. She herself may not understand what is going on.
- Has my wife been under a lot of stress at work or any other aspect of her life?
- Maybe, don’t take the anger personally? I know that is going to be tough. But if you cannot think of any reason she should be mad at you, perhaps think about what she could be going through at work, for example.
- Does she have a new job, or has she gone through a new promotion? Are there some serious intrigues at her workplace?
- Has she been displaying other symptoms that may suggest another type of illness – a more physical one?
- Before assuming that your wife is having an emotional breakdown, what if she is physically breaking down?
- Get her to have a checkup. Tell her both of you need to have regular ones.
What can you tell her without calling her out?
Communication is one of the best solutions to marital problems, especially vague ones.
If you and your partner have not had shared a story in days or even weeks, something is wrong somehow. Perhaps the craziness that you are sensing is not just emanating from her but from the two of you.
Talk to her. It does not matter if you are the guy and she is the lady. If you care, you sometimes have to take the first step in a conversation. It could save your relationship, and it may even potentially save a life.
Do not get into the conversation with guns a-blazing. You are not there to confront. Tell her that you are genuinely concerned about the current situation. If you have kids, you know that you two should try to figure things out.
So, is your wife crazy?
After all that you two have talked about, were you able to assess her mental health?
Yes, you are not a therapist – not an expert – but you may have a little bit of an idea of what your wife’s state of mind is like if you two were able to have a sit-down and discuss things together.
You can consider it one good thing in your life right now if she is still willing to have a discussion. If she were truly crazy, she would not even talk to you. She may not even be coherent.
I know. I know. You really do not believe your wife is crazy in the psychiatric sense. However, you never know. After all, anxiety and depression are real mental illnesses. Even body dysmorphic disorder is one, as well. Perhaps your wife is feeling the strain of being in her thirties or forties? Is she comparing herself to younger, slimmer models she reads about in magazines?
A therapist may more likely get more information from her than you. She will fight it off – maybe. She may welcome it. You don’t really know until you ask. Tell her just how important the marriage is to you. Go down from your pedestal and admit that you are not perfect, but you want to be the best husband. Therefore, you two need to get checked as a couple. A couple’s counseling can prevent divorce at this point.
After going to counseling with your wife, you may discover any of the following truths:
- She may just be going through temporary stress.
- She may be going through perimenopause or even menopause. Hormones can be women’s worst enemies.
- She may be going through mental strain, which could easily be resolved by therapy and support.
- She has been diagnosed with a mental illness.
How do you deal with a crazy wife?
No matter what the diagnosis may be like, the first thing that you must do is to remind yourself that this is your wife. You love her. This is why you are in this relationship in the first place.
Why would you be affected by her issues? Why would you care about what she has been shouting at you?
You love her.
Always remind yourself of that.
Even if there is doubt in our mind, know that the decent thing to do is stand by her as she goes through one of her possibly greatest challenges.
Do not call her names. We indeed used the term “crazy wife” in this article because this is what may be swirling in your mind. This is not a respectful term, we have to admit. But this is a term that you thought of because you were also feeling hurt.
You may still be upset. There is a part of you that wonders why your wife is not behaving according to expectation.
However, she cannot help it.
If she is stressed, support her. She may just be waiting for you to show her that you care.
If she is going through perimenopause or menopause and is truly struggling, have her checked by a doctor. Find out if there are ways to ease the effects of hormonal imbalance.
If she has a mental illness, stick with her. Get her checked. Know that depression and anxiety are real diagnoses. These are not just fake issues that women use to make themselves invincible during fights.
Do not give up on the relationship. You know better. You have been informed about what your wife is going through. How do you get her up from that mire?
For better or for worse – wasn’t that the promise you both made?
In sickness and in health – that was also true then.
The more you find out about the truth behind your wife’s condition, the more you know how to battle it with her. So, yes, be there for her. Let her see that she is not alone. When she realizes that you are fighting with her and not against her, there is a strong chance that her moods will improve.
Despite this, though, you must set your boundaries. Be honest about what you are feeling. Tell your wife that you are willing to stick with her, but she also needs to remember that you are human.
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