Are you in love with this girl but you don’t know how to win her heart?
Do you feel like you’re always doing the wrong thing when with a girl?
Are you wondering why you’re always get rejected despite your efforts?
Don’t lose hope yet! Even the handsome, the rich, and the intelligent men get rebuffed.
You probably just have to re-evaluate your courting style.
If you want a serious relationship, then this practical guide on how to court a girl is for you. But before anything, it’s crucial to understand your own psyche to see if you’re ready for commitment.
First Of All, Is This What You Really Want?
Before learning how to court a woman, it’s essential to ensure that your conscious and subconscious minds are aligned.
You might think that you want a serious relationship, and that’s what you tell everyone. However, are your words and actions moving towards the same goal?
The subconscious has a powerful impact on your habits, patterns, insecurities, desires, etc. It’s imperative to look into your psyche and find the roots of your relationship problems.
What’s the Common Ground of the Last People You’ve Dated?
You probably reached a point where you stopped thinking there’s scarcity.
The reason you can’t have a serious relationship is not the scarcity of amazing women or your stringent criteria. You may be repeating a pattern; that’s why you’re getting the same results.
These may include:
- Getting attracted to types of people who cannot provide what you truly need
- Compromising values to suit certain people
- Not setting realistic standards
Think about the last few you have dated. What’s familiar about them? Do they have issues on their which you tried to fix?
If yes, there’s a possibility you have deep-seated insecurity that you try to tame by seeking validation. In cases like this, the subconscious attempts to prove value by “fixing” or “rescuing” people. And this could inflict more damage to yourself.
Are you drawn to girls who are distant or mercurial? Maybe there’s no chemistry, but only a force caused by familiarity. It means you’re recreating a painful childhood in your adult relationships to experience the same intense emotions.
After studying your psyche intensely, you will identify unhealthy patterns. Once you identify them, you have the chance to start healing from within—and that’s the time you’re ready for new relationships.
How Scared Are You About Getting Hurt?
All humans want the same thing—love, acceptance, belongingness, and connection. No matter how rich, beautiful, or famous you are, you’ll feel empty without any of these things.
However, you’re also afraid to achieve these.
To love and be loved, you need to let your guards down. It’s difficult (and almost impossible) to form a serious relationship with someone if you’re not willing to be vulnerable.
A genuine relationship doesn’t come from perfection. Always remember that you’ll be disappointed with your partner at some point and vice versa. We’re humans, after all.
So, What Should You Change?
Love requires admitting your weakness, being willing to look past imperfections, and being comfortable giving and receiving affection.
There is risk in love. But there is also a risk in avoiding love.
Would you prefer to get hurt getting rejection or forgiving love?
On the surface, you might have no problem talking to women or that women are attracted to you. You’ll both lose interest if there’s no real connection.
Maybe You Should Take It Slow
Being aggressive might work if you just want a fling or a one-night stand.
There’s a need to change the strategy if you want a serious relationship. Trying to get the attention of different girls, throwing inappropriate jokes, saying words you don’t mean, etc., could give you a bad reputation.
These are signs that a person isn’t planning to build a healthy relationship. Some people associate these behaviors with unfaithfulness, dishonesty, unreliability, etc.
You might attract girls. But not the ones you need.
While it’s not entirely destructive to get to know different people, it’s unlikely you can form one strong bond if your time and energy are very much divided.
Remember that you can’t be everything for everyone. Like any project, you’d likely fail if you’re not focused. Here’s what “taking things slow” means.
So How Should You Pursue a Girl?
Start by checking your intentions.
Are you just testing the waters? If you just want to know if you can have fun with this person, maybe you should be friends first.
Do you have plans to get married? If you don’t intend to have a long-lasting partnership, courting her would be a waste of time.
The point of courting a girl is to demonstrate your intention to have a serious relationship, eventually leading to marriage.
Of course, you can’t tell she’s the person you’ll get married to until you experience ups and downs together. But the destination should be marriage.
Be clear with your Intentions
Asking for permission to court is debatable. Some girls feel awkward, and others are unwilling to answer because of fear of misinterpretation. A “yes” might give you false hope, and a “no” might hurt your feelings.
We suggest that you respectfully proceed and inform her that you are already courting her. This way, you can make it clear that you’re going for a serious commitment and just having fun.
If she clearly states she has a problem with your efforts, respect her and stop. If she expresses that she’s comfortable with it, proceed to the next stage.
Always think of how every move would affect the girl. Your style might have worked with others, but not with her.
Show Respect to Her Parents and Other Members of the Family
If you’re going for a real commitment, there’s nothing to be scared of about this. You would eventually meet them anyway. But discuss this thought with the girl first to prepare you and her family.
- Be punctual
- Dress well
- Bring a gift (wine or food)
- Call them Mr or Mrs.
- Avoid cracking jokes or teasing their daughter because to avoid misinterpretation
Pursue with Respect
In this step, you’re going to start the leg work. Be active but sensitive at the same time. Humans tend to do things on their own terms (especially if this strategy worked before), but it’s totally different when trying to win the love of another person.
Maintain good hygiene
Take a shower daily and another one after exercise or any sweaty work. Visit the dentist and dermatologist regularly. Have your own skincare routine. Keep your clothes and shoes clean. How would you convince a girl that you can take care of her if you can’t take care of yourself?
Find your perfume: Scents trigger emotions. The girl will associate you with positive emotions and feel more confident if you smell good. Here’s a guide on men’s fragrance, cologne, and aftershave.
Try to smile even if you’re nervous. It sends a message that you’re happy to see her. When you enter a room smiling, it makes people feel that you’re secure about yourself and that you’re having a good time.
Maintain Eye Contact
Convey your sincerity by looking directly into her eyes when talking. It can also make the girl feel that you’re really listening. Learn more about eye contact and attraction here.
There are probably several reasons why you decided to court this girl, right? Let her know about these! Remind her what you like about her occasionally. Also, say it when you notice anything new, such as a new dress, a new hairstyle, and even new nail polish! Just make sure all compliments are genuine.
Make an Effort
Show determination by going extra. Offer to drive or walk her home, carry some of her things, help her with minor tasks, etc.
Don’t rely on social media. Talk to her in person and do some actual work.
Effort always goes a long way, but be careful not to overwhelm her with these.
Sometimes a girl feels uncomfortable if a boy does too much for her.
Either she would feel guilty for your excessive effort or for not reciprocating it—especially if it’s still a dating relationship.
Of course, you need to go the extra mile during a special occasion. It doesn’t mean you should multiply your spending. You may visit a new restaurant, dress more formally, etc.
Give Her Something
It doesn’t have to be a splendid gift.
Give her some flowers, a hand-written letter, an art you made, a picture of her that you took, etc. We’re sure that her heart will flutter with these little things.
Take Her for an Actual Date
Even if you spend time together in social settings, going out on a date is entirely different.
It can make the girl feel that she’s exceptional for you. At the same time, it’s an opportunity to show her your romantic side.
Invite her to a restaurant, to a movie, or a picnic. Let her know that you want to spend time with her. Try to make it different by picking her up and dropping her by the doorstep after the date. Put more effort into your outfit. Bring fresh flowers or a little present.
Be Her Friend
Let her know that you’re there if she needs someone to talk to.
Open up about topics outside romantic relationships.
Always remember that you should be able to talk to each other about anything because you’ll be doing a lot of that once you’re married.
Loosen up and display your sense of humor now and then. Tease her, throw jokes, or play. Laughter is crucial in establishing the foundations of any relationship.
Please get to know her friends: Once you become serious, her friends will also become a part of your world. Furthermore, they are the people she would talk to should you have struggles in the future. They must meet you to advise her properly in the future.
Be Gentle But Consistent
You’re probably excited to become her boyfriend, but rushing often causes more harm than good.
Avoid dropping hints that you have a deadline or that you’re getting tired of the pursuit. Avoid announcing everything on social media, especially if you’re still not in a dating relationship yet.
You could win her over by taking things slow and easy without burning out.
Maintain Your Self-Identity
Certain changes must happen if you plan to get into a serious relationship. You may have to reduce playing computer, drinking with friends, etc. You’re not necessarily changing yourself but transitioning to a new chapter. Here are more tips on how to build a sense of self.
Keep Your Hobbies
Focus on your job. Spend time with family and friends.
Courting a girl doesn’t mean giving her 100% of everything. It means you’re proving that you’re a worthy partner. Besides, girls are attracted to boys who have a life of their own.
Courtship should end either in a serious romantic partnership or back to a platonic one. Let’s get rid of the concept that your efforts were vain because you only ended up as friends.
The courtship stage is an assessment of if you’re fit for each other. Forcing a relationship when you’re not genuinely compatible could only harm both of you. Furthermore, you still won a friend who knows you well after the courtship stage.
There is no universal formula for courtship. No matter your courtship style, always do it with respect.